unbadger:

20-something Ellie and an older Joel because i just need these two to be happy okay that’s all i want in life THEY DESERVE HAPPINESS bye
HAR HAR ALL RELIGION PROVED!!!!!!!!!! CHECKMATE ATHETITS
Professor: You are a Christian, aren’t you, son?
Student: Yes, sir.
Professor: So, you believe in GOD? [BECAUSE EVERYONE EVER SAYS GOD LIKE THAT]
Student: Absolutely, sir.
Professor: THAT'S GOOD FOR YOU SON, I'M GLAD YOU BELIEVE IN SOMETHING. I DON'T UNFORTUNATELY, BUT I'M A PROFESSIONAL WHO IS NOT SUPPOSED TO ASK THE BELIEFS OF MY STUDENTS AND I HOPE THIS DOESN'T PUT A DAMPER ON OUR PROFESSIONAL RELATIONSHIP
Student: well THAT'S TOO BAD I THINK YOU'RE WRONG HAVE YOU EVER SEEN OR TOUCHED OR FUCKED YOUR BRAIN
Professor: NO BUT YOU STUPID SHIT I COULD CUT OPEN MY HEAD RIGHT NOW AND TOUCH MY BRAIN THAT'S THE STUPIDEST FUCKING CHRISTIAN, CHAIN-MAIL ARGUMENT I'VE EVER FUCKING HEARD. NOW WRITE YOUR TERM PAPER YOU LITTLE SHIT
Passed a real gentleman on the sidewalk tonight
Dude [into cellphone]: I'M GONNA BREAK YOUR FUCKING JAW THE NEXT TIME I SEE YOU. DO YOU HEAR ME? YOUR FUCKING JAW. I'M GONNA BREAK-- hold on, give me a second. There's a woman walking by.
nakedrussia:

#MY ITALIAN CAME IN THE MAIL

when I find myself in times of trouble

Greg Lestrade comes to me

speaking words of wisdom

well, don’t commit suicide

splee568:

It was camo day at school

approximatelynope:

hey r u made of gallium and yttrium cuz ur

frenchhornsandunicorns:

Things that are portrayed as weak and lame but in reality can probably beat the shit out of you and steal your lunch money then spend it on candy:

  • hufflepuffs
  • canadians

tonynsteve:

ipartiedwithjoshfranceschi:

squidkneee:

if i had a dollar for every minute ive ever spent on the internet only god knows where id be right now

Probably still on the internet

but I’d be lying in a fucking huge pile of money while on the internet

xdominoe:

hotpielookedlikehotpie:

just because you love a character doesn’t mean they’re not a little shit

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